The Water Diviner (2014 film)

Category: Australian wartime drama

Directed by: Russell Crowe

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The timing of this movie review is somewhat fortuitous - ANZAC Day is a week away, so now is a good a time as any to publish my review of the 2014 World War I drama, The Water Diviner.

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Some of you may be familiar with the term deus ex machina, a literal translation of the phrase "god from the machine" and this term is used in literature or performance art to describe a contrived and/or unrealistic solution to a problem the plot presents. 

Some examples of this phenomenon you might be familiar with include in Lord Of The Rings, the Great Eagles appearing out of nowhere to take Frodo and Samwise out of Mordor once the ring has been destroyed, despite not being part of the plot at any previous stage. The aliens in War Of The Worlds suddenly die because of…bacteria. In Sicario 2, Bernicio Del Toro's character somehow survives a point-blank gun shot to the head. And the convoluted plan to stab The Creeper with a weather vane somehow works out in Jeepers Creepers: Reborn - these are all deus ex machina. Now, while a bit of DeM isn't a death-knell for a movie, you have to keep in mind that if you're going to employ an improbable resolution to a plot point, just don't take the piss.

And why "God Of The Machine", you may ask? Because performers who played the gods in the dramas of old would be lowered down into a scene by winches or ropes (machines) to do their god thing.

So why am starting off a movie review with a description of an obscure Latin phrase? Because there is one specific scene in the 2014 war-time drama movie The Water Diviner, starring and directed by Russell Crowe, that I felt like not only was the piss being taken, but my bladder was being absolutely violated.

Primate (2025 film)

Category: Animal horror

Directed by: Johannes Roberts

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I don't usually watch movies in the cinema. Partly because of cost (of both tickets and refreshments), partly because of the convenience of streaming and partly because not all movies are cinematic experiences. However, my teenage son wanted to go see this, we found discounted tickets and so off we went.

I went in with low-to-middling expectations - the first sign that I should be worried was the fact that when we bought our tickets, we could pick literally anywhere in the cinema to sit indicating that there was low demand to see this. Once the movie started proper, there was a total of twelve people seated, including a pair of middle-aged women - a scenario that struck me as incredibly strange. Undeterred, I kept an open mind and decided the quality of the work should speak for itself. 

Now, the only burning question remaining: is this movie about a hominid ape or a high-ranking Catholic bishop?

The plot:

Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) returns home to Hawaii alongside her friends Kate (Victoria Wyant), Hannah (Jess Alexander) and Kate's older brother Nick (Benjamin Cheng) and is reunited with her father Adam (Troy Kotsur, but I could have sworn was Gary Sinise) and younger sister Erin (Gia Hunter). Adam is an author and animal conservationist, and his recently deceased wife was a professor of linguistics who had taught their pet chimpanzee Ben (Miguel Torres Umba in a physically-demanding role) to communicate by using sign language and a sound board.

Death In Brunswick (1990 film)

Catgeory: Australian black comedy.

Directed by: John Ruane

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I have lived in Melbourne for quite a while now, and while I've always been aware of this movie's existence, even the title Death In Brunswick raises some curious questions - is it set in Brunswick, and should I be aware of any mortal dangers should I chance to venture there?

Now, for those of you who may not be familiar, the Brunswick in question is actually a real place. It's a suburb located north of the Melbourne CBD and comprises of a large percentage of people with southern and eastern European ethnicity (Greeks, Italians, Turks, etc) to the point that you wonder if you're still in Australia as you walk down the main street. Nowadays, Brunswick has become more hipster and I'd argue that the suburbs of Coburg and Preston seem to be the ethnic epicentres of northern Melbourne, but still…

Now, I just realised that this makes the 4th Australian movie in a row I have reviewed. Yes, I am warming up to Australian cinema. Let's see if Death In Brunswick can keep the positive momentum going, but let's do a plot recap first!

The plot:

Carl Fitzgerald (Sam Neill) is a layabout bloke (some may say lazy) who drifts between employment as a cook and prefers lazing in his hovel of a residence to the point that his mother (Yvonne Lawley) feels compelled to come clean up. Answering a job ad for a sleazy bar, Carl (to his surprise) is immediately employed and gets to work turning the kitchen around. Assisting him is Mustafa (Nick Lathouris), a long-time assistant cook who supplements his income by trading items of ill repute while on the clock. Hankering for an alcoholic drink (though against management rules), Carl heads upstairs to the bar and connects with the beautiful Sophie (Zoe Carides), a young Greek-Australian woman.

Australia Day (2017 film)

Category: Anthology drama

Directed by: Kriv Stenders

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In my review for The Last Days Of Chez Nous, I bemoaned Australian cinema for either producing movies by wankers for wankers, or for making movies whose primary purpose is to castigate the audience for living in a country tainted by a past based on racism/sexism/colonialism/etc. And with this movie, I walked into it good and proper - castigation aplenty! However, criticism of Australian society is not without warrant as there are definitely horrible people around, and indigenous people have been at the rough end of the justice system. 

However, what I've never understood is why anti-racism crusaders make anti-racism movies trying to guilt racist people for being racist - the people that need to be reminded to not be racist don't usually sit down to watch anti-racism crusade movies made by anti-racism crusaders.

Anyway, about the movie itself. Australia Day is an ensemble story - much like Dragged Across Concrete - in that it presents three different plots that connect in the end, so I'll sum it all up as best I can given that the story jumps back and forth.

The plot:

Terry Friedman (played by an aged, but definitely not diminished Bryan Brown) is driving down a Brisbane road on a stinking hot Australia Day when an Asian woman (Jenny Wu) running away from a warehouse flags him down. She then helps herself to the passenger seat and implores Terry to drive off as fast as possible while an Asian man (Zhou, played by Kee Chong) looks on in frustration and disbelief. 

Upgrade (2018 film)

Category: Sci-fi action/social commentary

Directed by: Leigh Whannel

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Over the couple of years I have been (un)professionally reviewing movies, I've noticed Upgrade pop up as a suggestion a few times. However, what prevented me giving it 90 minutes of my time is that it is an Australian movie, and yes, I should be supportive of the local industry and of the talents we have both infront of and behind the camera, but fucking hell, I've come across enough shit Australian movies (especially in the early 2000s) to know it can be really hit and miss. Mostly miss.

Though 2026 is as good a time as any to hit play - Australian movies are generally getting better (though not always to a level of financial success) and we have also reached a point in time where Artificial Intelligence is advancing rapidly, particularly in creative outlets - so why not watch a movie about people whose lives have been taken over by rapidly-advanced technology!

The plot:

Grey Trace (Logan Marshall-Green) spends his days restoring old muscle cars while his wife Asha (Melanie Vallejo) works a corporate job at bio-augmentation company COBALT (which could easily be seen as a take on Elon Musk's Neuralink).

The Dry 2: Force Of Nature (2021 film)

Category: Australian murder mystery, book-to-movie adaptation

Directed by: Robert Connolly

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Eric Bana returns in the sequel to one of the few Australian movies in recent memory to actually get and live up to the hype. The Dry 2: Force Of Nature is the long-awaited sequel to the modern classic The Dry, though there is a certain irony in having a movie titled The Dry set in a wet and damp forest…

This movie is based off the Jane Harper book Force Of Nature, the second in the Aaron Falk trilogy, and chances are we will probably get Exiles somewhere down the line. Not that I've read any Jane Harper books, but I will say it looks like she knows how to put a story together!

Is the movie itself any good? Will fans of the first love the second? Find out after the plot recap, bearing in mind that this movie involves a lot of flashbacks (much like the first), so I'll do my best to present a coherent linear description.

The plot:

The movie begins with four women emerging out from a damp and dark forest, flagging down a car to seek medical attention for one of the women who has been bitten by a spider.

Predators (2010 film)

Category: Action/creature drama

Directed by: Nimrod Antal

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So in my review for Prey, I threw just a hint of shade on some of the previous movies in the Predator franchise. However, I have since wondered if I had been too harsh on Predators because while I remembered Predators as not being a completely shitty movie (that indignation will forever fall squarely on The Predator), should I have considered Predators higher in the Predator pantheon?

So it was just my luck that when this movie came up in my streaming service, I decided to watch it with a fresh set of eyes. 

Has time affected my view of this movie? Is this movie any good? Will there be autistic children who figure out Yautja technology and killer dogs who become playful puppies after being shot in the head? Let's find out after the plot recap!

The plot:

The movie begins with an unconscious Royce (Adrien Brody) free-falling through the sky and then suddenly waking up and flailing about. Not too long before he hits the ground, his parachute automatically deploys, though it barely softens his landing on the jungle floor any.

After dusting himself off, he comes across Cuchillo (the unmistakeable Danny Trejo) who likewise has just picked himself up after his own parachute drop, but before they can make plans for lunch, they are fired upon by Nikolai (former UFC fighter Oleg Taktarov). Thankfully, Royce convinces Nikolai to stop shooting so he too can join the party, but discussions about lunch plans are once again cut short when Isabel (Alice Braga) stands there with a sniper rifle, unhappy that she hasn’t been invited to discussions about lunch. Her gun-barrel negotiations are successful as she gets to join the lunch party and she relays that the jungle they all find themselves in is like no place that is on earth. Maybe she should really go get some lunch…