Choose Or Die (2022 film)

Category: Supernatural horror with sci-fi leanings.

Directed by: Toby Meakins

Feels like: Jumanji meets The Ring meets Pixels

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I honestly didn't know what to expect when I saw this come up as an option on my streaming service, except that it was only 84 minutes. A sense of relief came over me that it wasn't no 3.5 hour epic like The Brutalist. There's nothing wrong with Hollywood epics - some of them are my favourite movies - but there's just something about the 90-minute format that is comforting. Like being under a thick blanket on a cold night while you tuck into a bag of snacks.

And horror movies - you should know by now I loves me a good horror movie.

So is Choose Or Die, a 2022 effort directed by Toby Meakins, a good horror movie? Find out after the plot recap!

The plot:

The opening scene sees Laura (Kate Fleetwood) berating her son Gabe (Pete McHale) about an unspecified, but serious incident as there are mentions of police involvement. The two eventually bemoan how the dad of the family, Hal (Eddie Marsan) is uninvolved in family affairs due to his electronic gadget obsession in his "man cave". We then see Hal shut the door and start up a text-based computer game called CURS>R on an old green phosphour CRT screen.

M3GAN 2.0 (2025 film)

Category: sci-fi action-comedy

Directed by: Gerard Johnstone

Similar to: M3GAN

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The first M3GAN movie inspired memes and trends and had a top-notch marketing campaign behind it. The sequel, M3GAN 2.0? I didn’t even know it actually existed, let alone had a theatrical run and was now on streaming - though that could just be because I am busy living my life while reviewing other movies. As luck would have it, I just happened to find this available on my streaming service, so being a glutton for punishment, I hit play and grabbed my coffee.

Looking at the box office figures, the first M3GAN movie raked in $180M from a $12M budget - a clear financial success, even though it wasn't exactly Citizen Kane - whereas the interwebs tells me that the sequel has grossed only $40M or so from a $25M budget. Yikes! 

Will M3GAN 2.0 be up there with Citizen Kane instead, despite the box office loss? Let's find out after a plot recap!

Plot:

The movie begins near the Turkiye/Iran border where a woman has been captured attempting to sneak into a clandestine facility. She is executed at gunpoint and her body brought inside. We suddenly cut to a group of men in a military briefing room being given a presentation of a live view from inside said clandestine facility when the defence secretary comes in, angry that a military operation is being conducted without her knowledge. The presenter placates her by stating they're not conducting an operation - they're merely lending experimental US military equipment for someone else's operation (totally legit, right!). Suddenly, the person that had been executed previously reanimates in classic M3GAN style and it becomes apparent we are seeing a lifelike android carry out a command to rescue a particular scientist being held captive. However, the android starts ignoring orders, executes the scientist and extricates canisters of toxic nerve gas.

Apocalypse Now (1979 film)

Category: War drama/book-to-movie adaptation

Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola

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In keeping with the military theme around ANZAC Day, given my last review was for The Water Diviner, I'll now review another military-themed movie, but this time a little more dark and serious...

I watched Apocalypse Now for the first time back when I was in high school and was tasked to write a report about it. There wasn't much compunction about letting the older kids/young adults studying a quite mature film since it was final year, and it was either this, or To Kill A Mockingbird. And goddammit, I wanted some action! Little did I know all those years ago that I was actually writing a book report by-proxy, the book in question being Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad about a man who travels up a river on behalf of an ivory trading company in Belgian-controlled Congo and witnesses large-scale depravity. Change a few details, modernise it to be a reflection on a highly unpopular war and voila, an old story is new again.

I appreciated this movie as being fairly decent when I first saw it all those years ago and noticed it has made numerous "must watch before you die" lists, so I wanted to re-watch this with mature eyes - to see if it stood the test of time.

From the initial 1979 release, two subsequent versions were created - Redux and Director's Cut. However here, I'll only be reviewing the standard theatrical cut. Redux adds scenes to the standard cut, and then Francis Ford Coppola went and added yet more scenes to create the Director's Cut which removed some scenes from Redux. Can't wait for the Mega-Ultra-Redux-Director's Cut-5-Hour-Marathon edition…

The plot:

The movie follows Capt. Ben Willard (Martin Sheen) who we see alone on a bed in a Saigon hotel room dealing with the mental demons from his previous Vietnam deployments and his inability to adjust to life back home. He is suddenly visited by military escorts and summoned to appear before higher-ups who have a mission for him. The mission (should he choose to accept it) is to "terminate, with extreme prejudice" the command of Colonel Walter Kurtz (Marlon Brando), a brilliant soldier who has decided to separate from the US forces and now has his own private militia in Cambodia that worship him as a god.

The Water Diviner (2014 film)

Category: Australian wartime drama

Directed by: Russell Crowe

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The timing of this movie review is somewhat fortuitous - ANZAC Day is a week away, so now is a good a time as any to publish my review of the 2014 World War I drama, The Water Diviner.

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Some of you may be familiar with the term deus ex machina, a literal translation of the phrase "god from the machine" and this term is used in literature or performance art to describe a contrived and/or unrealistic solution to a problem the plot presents. 

Some examples of this phenomenon you might be familiar with include Lord Of The Rings where the Great Eagles appear out of nowhere to take Frodo and Samwise out of Mordor once the ring has been destroyed - despite not being part of the plot at any previous stage. The aliens in War Of The Worlds suddenly die because of…bacteria. In Sicario 2, Bernicio Del Toro's character somehow survives a point-blank gun shot to the head. And the convoluted plan to stab The Creeper with a weather vane somehow works out in Jeepers Creepers: Reborn - these are all deus ex machina. Now, while a bit of DeM isn't a death-knell for a movie, you have to keep in mind that if you're going to employ an improbable resolution to a plot point, just don't take the piss.

And why "god of the machine", you may ask? Because performers who played the gods in the dramas of old would be lowered down into a scene by winches or ropes (machines) to do their god thing.

So why am starting off a movie review with a description of an obscure Latin phrase? Because there is one specific scene in the 2014 war-time drama movie The Water Diviner, starring and directed by Russell Crowe, where the deus ex machina was so egregious that not only was the piss being taken, but my bladder was being absolutely violated.

Primate (2025 film)

Category: Animal horror/teen horror.

Directed by: Johannes Roberts

Similar to: Cujo

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I don't usually watch movies in the cinema. Partly because of cost (of both tickets and refreshments), partly because of the convenience of streaming and partly because not all movies are cinematic experiences. However, my teenage son wanted to go see this, we found discounted tickets and so off we went.

I went in with low-to-middling expectations - the first sign that I should be worried was the fact that when we bought our tickets, we could pick literally anywhere in the cinema to sit indicating that there was low demand to see this. Once the movie started proper, there was a total of twelve people seated, including a pair of middle-aged women - a scenario that struck me as incredibly strange. Undeterred, I kept an open mind and decided the quality of the work should speak for itself. 

Now, the only burning question remaining: is this movie about a hominid ape or a high-ranking Catholic bishop?

The plot:

Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) returns home to Hawaii alongside her friends Kate (Victoria Wyant), Hannah (Jess Alexander) and Kate's older brother Nick (Benjamin Cheng) and is reunited with her father Adam (Troy Kotsur, but I could have sworn was Gary Sinise) and younger sister Erin (Gia Hunter). Adam is an author and animal conservationist, and his recently deceased wife was a professor of linguistics who had taught their pet chimpanzee Ben (Miguel Torres Umba in a physically-demanding role) to communicate by using sign language and a sound board.

Death In Brunswick (1990 film)

Catgeory: Australian black comedy.

Directed by: John Ruane

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I have lived in Melbourne for quite a while now, and while I've always been aware of this movie's existence, even the title Death In Brunswick raises some curious questions - is it set in Brunswick, and should I be aware of any mortal dangers should I chance to venture there?

Now, for those of you who may not be familiar, the Brunswick in question is actually a real place. It's a suburb located north of the Melbourne CBD and comprises of a large percentage of people with southern and eastern European ethnicity (Greeks, Italians, Turks, etc) to the point that you wonder if you're still in Australia as you walk down the main street. Nowadays, Brunswick has become more hipster and I'd argue that the suburbs of Coburg and Preston seem to be the ethnic epicentres of northern Melbourne, but still…

Now, I just realised that this makes the 4th Australian movie in a row I have reviewed. Yes, I am warming up to Australian cinema. Let's see if Death In Brunswick can keep the positive momentum going, but let's do a plot recap first!

The plot:

Carl Fitzgerald (Sam Neill) is a layabout bloke (some may say lazy) who drifts between employment as a cook and prefers lazing in his hovel of a residence to the point that his mother (Yvonne Lawley) feels compelled to come clean up. Answering a job ad for a sleazy bar, Carl (to his surprise) is immediately employed and gets to work turning the kitchen around. Assisting him is Mustafa (Nick Lathouris), a long-time assistant cook who supplements his income by trading items of ill repute while on the clock. Hankering for an alcoholic drink (though against management rules), Carl heads upstairs to the bar and connects with the beautiful Sophie (Zoe Carides), a young Greek-Australian woman.

Australia Day (2017 film)

Category: Anthology drama

Directed by: Kriv Stenders

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In my review for The Last Days Of Chez Nous, I bemoaned Australian cinema for either producing movies by wankers for wankers, or for making movies whose primary purpose is to castigate the audience for living in a country tainted by a past based on racism/sexism/colonialism/etc. And with this movie, I walked into it good and proper - castigation aplenty! However, criticism of Australian society is not without warrant as there are definitely horrible people around, and indigenous people have been at the rough end of the justice system. 

However, what I've never understood is why anti-racism crusaders make anti-racism movies trying to guilt racist people for being racist - the people that need to be reminded to not be racist don't usually sit down to watch anti-racism crusade movies made by anti-racism crusaders.

Anyway, about the movie itself. Australia Day is an ensemble story - much like Dragged Across Concrete - in that it presents three different plots that connect in the end, so I'll sum it all up as best I can given that the story jumps back and forth.

The plot:

Terry Friedman (played by an aged, but definitely not diminished Bryan Brown) is driving down a Brisbane road on a stinking hot Australia Day when an Asian woman (Jenny Wu) running away from a warehouse flags him down. She then helps herself to the passenger seat and implores Terry to drive off as fast as possible while an Asian man (Zhou, played by Kee Chong) looks on in frustration and disbelief.