Predators (2010 film)

Category: Action/creature drama

Directed by: Nimrod Antal

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So in my review for Prey, I threw just a hint of shade on some of the previous movies in the Predator franchise. However, I have since wondered if I had been too harsh on Predators because while I remembered Predators as not being a completely shitty movie (that indignation will forever fall squarely on The Predator), should I have considered Predators higher in the Predator pantheon?

So it was just my luck that when this movie came up in my streaming service, I decided to watch it with a fresh set of eyes. 

Has time affected my view of this movie? Is this movie any good? Will there be autistic children who figure out Yautja technology and killer dogs who become playful puppies after being shot in the head? Let's find out after the plot recap!

The plot:

The movie begins with an unconscious Royce (Adrien Brody) free-falling through the sky and then suddenly waking up and flailing about. Not too long before he hits the ground, his parachute automatically deploys, though it barely softens his landing on the jungle floor any.

After dusting himself off, he comes across Cuchillo (the unmistakeable Danny Trejo) who likewise has just picked himself up after his own parachute drop, but before they can make plans for lunch, they are fired upon by Nikolai (former UFC fighter Oleg Taktarov). Thankfully, Royce convinces Nikolai to stop shooting so he too can join the party, but discussions about lunch plans are once again cut short when Isabel (Alice Braga) stands there with a sniper rifle, unhappy that she hasn’t been invited to discussions about lunch. Her gun-barrel negotiations are successful as she gets to join the lunch party and she relays that the jungle they all find themselves in is like no place that is on earth. Maybe she should really go get some lunch…

Before too long, the lunch party comes across Stans (Walton Goggins) who is in an intense fist fight with Mombasa (Mahershala Ali). Realising that fighting is not the way to get an invitation to lunch, they stop fighting at the behest of Royce who has taken it upon himself to be the leader of the lunch party. Soon after, they come across Edwin (Topher Grace) whose parachute landed him upside down in a tree, and then they see Hanzo (Louis Ozawa Changchien) standing in the jungle looking at an ominous-looking structure that for some reason has a lot of skulls at the bottom.

The lunch party discuss amongst themselves to work out who they are and why they are where they are - it turns out that Cuchillo is a Los Zetas enforcer, Nikolai is a Spetznaz soldier, Isabel is an IDF sniper, Stans is a death row prisoner housed in San Quentin, Mombasa is a an RUF soldier from Sierra Leone, Hanzo is a Yakuza member, Royce is a black ops mercenary and Edwin is a normal looking doctor with a knowledge of botany. The only thing any of them remember is a blinding light, and then waking up in freefall. While they walk the jungle deciding what they want for lunch, the party accidentally sets off a trap full of deadweights, stick pits and falling spikes and surmise that it was put there by whoever brought them there. However, the discovery of a corpse of an American soldier with a large hole in his chest leads Royce to believe that the soldier was actually in a last-stand situation and whoever killed the soldier had managed to do so while evading all of the traps that they themselves had just set off.

Finally getting out of the tree canopy, they get to a clearing where they see Jupiter up close and realise that they're not even on planet Earth - if there's not even a café or a restaurant anywhere nearby, then there goes everyone's lunch plans!

The lunch party continue walking through the jungle looking for a way off when they hear a drone flying overhead and then rustling in the distance. The rustling is from a group of creatures that are essentially dogs, but with big scary tusks and ugly teeth. Not only do they have big scary teeth, but because they're big and muscly, they also absorb bullets. Luckily, some of the lunch party have machine guns (especially Nikolai with his big rotary gun that is reminiscent of the original Predator movie) which helps fends off the first wave of creatures, but those without guns or who run out of bullets are in for a bad time. Isabel uses her sniper rifle to save Edwin from a mauling, Stans uses his knife to fend off a creature on top of him with help from Mombasa. Right before Isabel is about to be set upon by a creature, a whistling is heard which the creatures understand as the signal to stop attacking and go back home. 

Royce summarises that they're the ones being hunted, that the whole planet is a game preserve and that the creatures were used by the hunters to see how the lunch party respond under pressure. Right at that moment, "help me" is heard through the jungle and the lunch party follow the noise to see Cuchillo in an open patch, on his knees (but not turning around). Mombasa reveals that this is a trap based on RUF tactics of having one man by himself, suffering, and then booby-trapping the area nearby to take out people coming to help. Isabel decides to put Cuchillo out of his misery by shooting him, but the camera pans and shows he was dead long ago and that his voice is being mimicked.

Royce then decides that if they run, they're playing into the hunter's game, so he comes up with the idea to follow the dog tracks back to where they came from to see who (or what) they're up against. The lunch party eventually come across a Predator camp, complete with skinned Predators hanging upside down. The main feature of the camp, though, is a Predator that has been tied upright on a stick. Nikolai walks up to see its face, causing it to suddenly wake up and scream. In the ensuing panic, Mombasa finds himself impaled on some very large Predator spikes, causing Royce to realise that the Predators can turn invisible so he starts firing and warning everybody to run. Poor Nikolai is the last of the remaining lunch party and his machine gun takes a hit from a plasma cannon - wisely, he joins his lunch party buddies in evading Predator laser fire.

The lunch party fall down a hill, over a cliff and into water below where we see a drone fly overhead and then return to the Predator camp. It is revealed that the camp is comprised of three Predators and the biggest one of all is one I'll refer to as Big Bastard Predator (because he really is a big bastard) though in the credits, it's actually Berserker Predator. Finding safety under a waterfall, the lunch party are unhappy with Royce because they think he used them as bait, but Royce turns the tables by forcing Isabel to reveal her knowledge of a 1987 US military report regarding an American special ops team with a CIA liaison that went into a jungle in Guatemala and were hunted by a thing that looks exactly like the creature on the pole (referencing the events of the very first Predator movie).

Royce then decides it's time to fight back and that a defensive ambush would be the best way to go about it. The lunch party set themselves up and hear something in the jungle. So they can hurry up and get going to lunch, Royce decides Edwin would be great Predator-bait, meaning he gets sent out for a run so a Predator to chase him in order to be sniped by Isabel. The group shoots at the Predator chasing Edwin and see it looks quite different to the Predators back at the camp. (The creature shot in this scene is actually based on the original creature design for the Predator that was going to be played by Jean-Claude van Damme - read more here). All of a sudden, the lunch party hear a voice, Royce then sees a gun and a full Predator de-cloak. Ready to accept his fate, Royce asks the Predator "What are you?", the Predator unmasks to reveal the very human Noland (Laurence Fishburne fresh off the set of Apocalypse Now) saying "I'm alive!".

Noland invites the lunch party back to his hideout in a disused mining machine that still has a functioning power source where he reveals that he has managed to stay out of sight of the Predators over the course of numerous hunting "seasons" by being crafty and pilfering their own technology. Among other tidbits Noland reveals is that there are two species of Predator - the bigger ones and the smaller ones - who are in a blood feud with each other, that the Predator's always hunt in packs of three, and that they adapt their tactics - especially when a human manages to kill one of them.

After warning the lunch party to be quiet because "they're always out there", Noland goes to sleep and invites the lunch party to help themselves to water and food he has prepared. The lunch party can finally have their lunch! Yay! Is the movie now over?

No! The lunch party discusses life back on Earth, Hanzo finds an ancient samurai sword (indicating that the Predators have been observing/fighting humans for a very long time), Isabel expresses her regret at not killing the people who killed her spotter some time back, and Royce reckons he can get that Predator that is tied up to tell him how to get back to Earth.

Royce FINALLY settles down for lunch, but lunch time is cut short - the hideout is filled with smoke because Noland is trying to kill the others, telling his imaginary friend "Six more fucking mouths to feed? And I can barely stand living with you! How am I going to live with them too?". Turns out Noland isn't much in to hospitality after all. Royce is able to turn the tables by firing off a grenade, the sudden blast of heat and noise sure to attract the Predators. The grenade blast does the trick as a Predator finally catches up to Noland and blasts him into many tiny pieces. However, Stans kicking on the panels to escape the smoke attracts the attention of the Predators also, so the lunch party need to get moving. Unfortunately, Edwin gets separated from the main group and is cornered. Nikolai separates himself from the main group to go back and get Edwin, shots from his handgun barely slowing the Predator down. For his efforts, Nikolai gets a laser blast and then impaled on the arm-mounted blades, but not before he sets off an explosion that kills both him and the Predator. One down, two to go.

Edwin rejoins the lunch party and they all escape the mining drill right before the blast from Nikolai's grenade burns them. Outside, everyone expresses relief at their escape, but Stans immediately ignores the advice to stay quiet as he yells out:

"We killed it! Who's your daddy now, motherfucker! Hunt my dick, bitch!"

This little outburst earns him a laser cannon to the back from Big Bastard Predator. Big Bastard Predator sets his sights on Royce, but Stans gets his second wind, jumps Big Bastard Predator's back and proceeds to shank it repeatedly in the neck while the rest of the lunch party make a run for it. This earns Stans the unique privilege of having his skull and spinal cord removed from his body (an honour seemingly reserved for esteemed guests).

Hanzo decides not to go any further and gets in to a sword fight with one of the remaining Predators while Royce, Isabel and Edwin continue their escape. More lunch for them, if they can find somewhere! How Hanzo expects to hold his own with a sword hundreds of years old - and not to mention his missing fingers - but never let the facts get in the way of a good story. Hanzo holds his own and kills his Predator foe, though he succumbs to his own injuries shortly after. Two down, one to go.

In their own escape, Edwin gets caught in a leg trap and Royce urges Isabel to leave him as he is dead weight given his injuries. Royce moves on and leaves Isabel to assist Edwin, making his way back to the Predator camp where he tells the Predator-on-a-stick that he wants to go back to Earth (presumably to have lunch, since that planet at least has cafes). Luckily for Royce, the Predator-on-a-stick is sympathetic to Royce's plight and uses his remote-control to start up a nearby spaceship. As this is happening, Edwin and Isabel have been caught in a net which the Big Bastard Predator grabs and drags back to camp so he can stick Isabel and Royce in a pit, just in time to see Royce run off to the spaceship and the Predator-on-a-stick no longer on a stick.

Predator-no-longer-on-a-stick and Big Bastard Predator get into a monster fight that old mate Big Bastard wins in gruesome fashion, but in a dick move, he also cancel's Royce's lunch-time express back to Earth. Definitely a dick move.

Back in the pit, Edwin shows what kind of monster he actually is by administering a paralytic agent to Isabel, stating that he is "normal among the monsters on this planet". The mind boggles at what he plans to do with/to Isabel while they're both in a Predator pit awaiting certain death, but luckily Royce missed his ride and sees Edwin acting very creepy. Just as Edwin is about to stab Royce and paralyse him as well, Royce stabs Edwin in the chin and then lays Edwin's body back in the Predator camp where he is booby-trapped with numerous grenades.

This all leads to the final fight between a (presumably very hungry) Royce and Big Bastard Predator who somehow hasn't died after eating a faceful of explosives. Royce covers himself in mud, having taken clues from Isabel's report, and lights a fire as well to hide his body heat. The fight is a slobberknocker that goes back and forth, but Big Bastard Predator gets the upper hand by firing his cannon at Royce which stuns him. Just away from where Royce lands, Isabel struggles with the effect of her paralysis, but manages to pick up her sniper rifle and shoots the Big Bastard Predator through the chest. This earns her a projectile into her shoulder, but the distraction gives Royce enough time to pick up a blade which he uses to separate various sections of the Big Bastard Predator from the rest of Big Bastard Predator's body.

Having won the fight, Royce and Isabel fall asleep and the next morning, they observe a dozen parachutes opening up in the sky, indicating a new hunt is about to begin.

But first, lunch…

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Probably the standout performance here is Adrien Brody - he is an excellent actor, and one of the best around in this generation. I mean, he almost stole the show in his all-too-brief run in Peaky Blinders, and was excellent in King Kong as well as The Pianist. Here, he has packed on a lot of muscle, but is not overly muscular like the cast of the original Predator movie which actually adds to the realism somewhat - an actual active mercenary would need to be strong, but light.

As far as the actual movie goes, my initial thought is that it's not awful, but is somewhat convoluted. It turns out that Shane Black would ratchet up the convolution for the next entry in the series, The Predator, so maybe I should be grateful. But here, I can see what they were trying to do, and while it has its moments, the end result just doesn't quite work due to so many moving parts. Do we really need a black-ops mercenary AND an IDF sniper AND a cartel enforcer AND a Spetznaz soldier AND a Yakuza AND a death-row prisoner AND an RUF soldier AND a doctor, each with their own back story, when the original only needed a handful of beefy men with guns?

I am glad, though, to see the franchise return to its roots in that it pits some of the most macho and warrior-like of men (and women), alongside an odd-one-out, and pits them up against something they're clearly outmatched against. But the way they've set the story up actually adds more questions than answers, and thus begins my rant:

How do the Predators choose their targets? And since when did Predators decide to kidnap targets back to a moon of Jupiter? To a purist like me, this is already adding too much. All we need now are some pyramids hidden below the Antarctic where Xenomorphs are bred for hunting as a rite of passage…oh, wait…

I kinda get why characters like Royce and Isabel would be selected, but Edwin? Are Predators keeping tabs on people? Are they doing behavioural analysis on people from afar? Does being a sociopath who does horrible things to women count as being a warrior in Predator mythology? Edwin would also kill people in private, away from the jungle or the battlefield, and his choice of weapon is small blades and drugs, not large guns. Is there Psychoanalyst Predator with glasses and tweed jacket sitting in an armchair looking over files of potential candidates?

Predators also tend to hang around places with frequent use of firearms, so plucking Stans from a prison makes no sense at all. If its firearms power the Predators want to go up against, it would be better plucking someone from a known gang-affiliated area in the States (like they did in Predator 2) rather than a dude who at best has a shank.

By the way - how would Predators have known about Stans, especially when Stans is one amongst hundreds of death row inmates across the US corrections system? Is there a guy on the inside feeding inmate files to his Predator buddies? I can only imagine the incident report for the San Quentin prison - "Boss, you won't believe what just happened! One of our death-row prisoners is missing because of an alien kidnapping - again!". "Dammit, Stevens! That explains all those tall ugly people with long hair and bad teeth we kept on seeing. I thought they were just British people!"

The rest of the characters, sure, I can see why they would have been included. But then we get this ridiculous idea that they've all been plucked from planet Earth and just somehow ALL speak fluent English and somehow do not suffer ANY jet lag from the tens of millions of miles they've just travelled to get to this far-off place and hold very little geopolitical animosity. 

And this leads me to my next point of contention - the idea of this moon/planet being so close to Jupiter, but being amazingly similar to Earth. First, this place would be hella cold. Being 5.2 AU from the sun (where Earth is 1 AU), even if this place somehow has an atmosphere, that atmosphere would collect exponentially less heat than what Earth does. On top of that, it should be dim if not totally dark. The sun being so far away means that it doesn't have the same luminosity like we get on Earth, and the eclipse generated by Jupiter would ensure frequent and intense periods of darkness. So if they were going for any sort of realism, the transportees should have died in the dark from suffocation about three seconds before they contract hypothermia, though the decreased gravity of this particular Jovian moon would mean that the descent wouldn't be so harsh.

Also, how a young Israeli sniper has access to high-end American military reports, I don’t know. Or maybe I don't want to know...

Again, I can see what they're trying to. It just didn't quite mesh. However, it still is a good film. Lots of action sequences, enough nostalgia-bait to get the attention of older fans. The inclusion of the very original Predator design was a nice touch.

There is a just a teensy little bit of retconning as well - in the scene where Isabel recounts the military report she read that references the events from the first movie, she states that it took place in Guatemala. However, the first movie was actually set in Val Verde - a fictional Central American country, created presumably to not upset any specific Central American nation with the idea that American soliders are wandering in willy-nilly.

I still think nothing will ever top the original Predator (and that's OK), but I will put this slightly behind Prey. Prey had a more back-to-basics thing about it, whereas this movie was trying a bit too hard and adding a bit too much. It really feels like a comic book script come to life...and maybe that's the problem.

STAR RATING: 3.5/5